valedictory speech

today was a blow out.. Every detail piled onto each other and I wussed. For my final exam in humanities, I had to make a valedictory speech. As if I'm not already extremely anxious when I speak in front of class, our class has 48 kids. On top of that, a huuuuge amount of people came too. Kids that I did not want to be around. I exnayed half of my speech, so it ended up being super short. I just wanted to get out of there. Yeah when I sat back down, I wish I had made it longer, more truthful, more me, without fear of judgment and all that crap. So here is what I would HAVE said {depending on the conditions}...:

During 9th and 10th grade, I was in the Cambridge program and anytime I had to do something in front of the class, I'd do anything, literally anything, to get out of it. So why the hell am I up here doing this now? I felt the people in those classes judged me, wondered why I was in those classes and that I wasn't good enough when I would say anything. Here I am again, making one of the last speeches I will in high school. I wanted to make a short, non-emotional, impersonal speech. It sucked(I know, I did that). But here's my story.

I've a learned a lot these past 4 years as they flew by. As a freshman, I realized that some friends I start out with during the school year will be the same ones that rip up my jacket later on in the year. People change. I had the cops come to my house. Everybody looked at me as a druggie, and who had gotten into fights. To this day I still have not done either. I've been close, but I'm clean. I'm innocent still in most cases everybody else wouldn't. As much as I've drank, I still have never been drunk. I never have gone to parties, gone to prom, any dances or even Grad Bash. I don't regret it, because I don't know what I'm missing out on. If anything. I wanted to remember all my high school experiences, from doing horrible in school and simply not caring 9th grade year to who I am now.

9th grade year was the worst and best of me. I got horrible grades in AP World History and failed Geometry with Mr. Scott. I was never at school for the last half of the day, I dated a druggie with a criminal record and friends who trashed my shit. But as a person (disposition), I was carefree, I didn't let stress or worries affect me in any way and I didn't give an absolute fuck about what any single person thought of me. I also had several experiences falling up the stairs and meeting some new fresh faces. I know Mrs. Poniatowski was so glad the last day had come so I wouldn't have any chance of breaking her projector...again.

In 10th grade, I was ready to be a new person and looked at in a different way. I joined NJROTC and realized I should care about schooling; that it's important and the grades reflect on you. I'd rather care about what the teachers thought of me than the students. I realized through NJROTC, that being the best you can be is a big priority you should strive for each day. Who you surround yourself with, is how you will be looked at. And school grades are important. My dad moved out and I was overjoyed, however I still had to deal with him. I still had problems. I still couldn't be myself and speak in front of my classmates. I still felt judged, although the days I wore my uniform, I was the most confident person I could be and as I stand here now, I wish I was wearing it. I had a great best friend who did crazy shit with me nonstop. Whenever we were around each other, it has never failed to be memorable.

Junior year came and I was so looking forward to being an upperclassmen, enjoying my carefree,happy self who cared about what mattered, and being halfway done with school. My mom had a stroke while we were in Baltimore, so the year started off shaky. I met a guy, who completely changed me, first in good and then in bad. I became a totally different person and I wish I didn't let people do that to me. But he taught me that it's not how you want someone to love you, it's that they love you with all they have. I learned how to fish and it is a huge hobby of mine. I also had a fear of guns and was just afraid to be around one. I conquered that. I've shot a .22 rifle, 30/30 (rifle), .223 (rifle), 20 gauge shotgun, .38 caliber revolver and .22 caliber pistol. It's fun for me now. I'm so glad that I did everything I did throughout high school, even though I can't believe all the things I did. It's unbelievable, but they're my crazy memories.

Senior year hasn't been much of anything except for Winter Break and the past couple months. Winter Break gave me a true realization of who I am and how people can't stop me from being me. Who knew that just laying in a guys truck with two friends behind the airport could make you realize so much? Going to Jeremy's farm has made me realize I'm such a dreamer and secretly romantic. Watching the sunsets and imagining living at that green house was something we all pictured way before when. Being alone is okay for me right now because I'm re-figuring out who I am, what I want out of life, out of everybody and what I want to do... my dreams, hopes, goals. everything. Right now, I'm trying to maintain friendships, be myself and do what I want. I want to travel to every U.S. state and if possible travel to every country. I love photography, my baby dog, my friends, baking and fishing.

Thanks to Christina for being the best friend I could ever ask for. You've been there for me and vice versa. Even though we changed so incredibly much from freshman year to senior year, I'll still remember all the amazing, funny & crazy times we've had from wrestling in Solito's class, to playing loud African music in Publix with face paint, skinnydipping in your pool, driving your car to pick up some guys at night and much, much more. thank you for all the memories, I am going to miss you so much while you're at USF.

Thanks to Robbie for showing me another side of life - the one where you don't care and teaching me how to fish. I seriously would have never known what that was like without you and of course, what it is like to have the benefits of being your gf... free food at bill and karols, having conversations with half the town wherever we went - lifesouth, restaurant, gary's tackle box, texas trailers, industrial park, small businesses or anywhere people know Butch or your grandpa. You also showed me how nice it is to strike up a friendly conversation with everyone.

Thanks to Jeremy for never failing to be amazingly nice, even when I didn't deserve it. You are such a good friend that I can talk to and have any kind of conversation with, serious or funny. I really hope we hang out and keep in touch after high school.

Thanks to Russell for making me remember to live life spontaneously, just have fun and for always being a friend to me, and everyone else, even though most people don't like you. How can you be mean to someone who is nice? I know people find you obnoxious, but we all have our little things. Can't wait for college life with ya!

Thanks to Lefevre for always greeting me with a hug and making my lunch time unbelievably perverted and hilarious. I can't believe we haven't hung out at all this year and I don't know how I will ever handle life after high school without your smiling and goofy self. I seriously hope we still will hang out even though you're going to USF.

Thanks to Sapp who I've sat with at lunch since last year. We always laughed and had fun and was there for me to talk to through the bad. I don't know what I would have done without you. Thanks for caring about me and try to survive these next 2 years at GHS. Change NJROTC to its best like it used to be.

Thank you to the rest of my lunch group - I seriously have not found anyone as accepting as each of you are. We are all unique but we can get along so well and are always laughing. Faina, the always nice one, keep being sweet. Hubbard, always be yourself and I will miss talking to you down B wing. Daniel Carvalho - it's ok to be smart and know physics! Just be yourself and don't let anyone tell you you're anything but great. Kelsey - TRY to be patient with all the people here at GHS. You only have 2 years left, you can do it and I will miss our talks during the lunch line. Go to prom!:) Delana - you remind me of how I used to be. short-tempered with an attitude. I am so glad I am not that person anymore. I was always unhappy and bothered, especially when dealing with other people. I have learned to just let people be and focus on what really matters - my education, myself and my friends. Artesia - your smile always cheers me up and reminds me to smile and laugh at everything in life. Seriousness doesn't come in handy in the majority of life's situations. Emma - although you've cussed our table out quite a bit, it's provided entertainment and interesting moments for me to remember. I <3 my lunch group!
From squeezing 4 girls into Tison's truck freshman year, fitting through a locked fence and walking off campus with haley, bre and sarah after a pre-aice exam sophomore year, being left at a friend's house all night long junior year to those few late nights behind the airport senior year, I'm seriously going to miss my high school time here but I'll always look back with a smile on my face.