no matter what people say, it never makes me feel better

I can't grasp death. And why people my age have to die? I just don't understand why people have to die, why so many I know go at such a young age, and why the best people have to go. We need more of them and less of the others. Why? My friend died recently and I don't understand. When people say that's life, I understand but it doesn't make me feel any better about the fact that my time will come. Could be now, could be tomorrow, could be 50 years from now. We all are dying but others times will come sooner than others. We'll never know til it happens. Then it's too late. We are all energy, essentially, and our energy never leaves earth (so I think) but our body, personality does. My energy will be placed somewhere else, maybe in a person or thing. I just want to know what happens. I just want a long, healthy life. I don't want anybody my age to die. Or anybody I know. I can't accept the fact that we all die.

I got a bracelet that says "Sarah Landauer Philippians 4:13". And my boyfriend is getting a shirt with her name and pic on it. I read through all my middle school yearbooks this morning. She said I'm a great friend and I'll miss you. But it's the other way around. I, and everybody else, misses you. <3